4 Reasons It’s Hard To Ask For Help, And What To Do About It
If you are the type of person who would much rather do it yourself than ask for help, you are not alone.
If you are the type of person who would much rather do it yourself than ask for help, you are not alone. There are all kinds of stories we tell ourselves (and society tells us) about what it means to need help. We internalize messages, from a young age, that independence and self sufficiency are traits that others expect from us.
You may have heard the African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.”
There is value in asking for support, not only to alleviate stress from ourselves as individuals, but to also create meaningful connection and a sense of belonging.
Here are some of the common reasons you may be holding yourself back from getting the support you deserve.
Surrendering control feels uncomfortable
If you have perfectionist tendencies, you may struggle to allow others to complete tasks on your behalf. This means you have less control over the process and the outcome. The desire to have things a certain way helps to create a sense of safety even if it comes at the expense of your personal energy.
Fear of being seen as incompetant
If you consider, independent, reliable, and capable to be words that describe you and the value you bring to your family, workplace, community, etc, it can feel uncomfortable to allow others to see you as anything other than those things. This creates confusion with how we identify ourselves which creates a sense of vulnerability.
Not wanting to come across as needy
There is a desire in all of us to be liked and in some cases that desire can take over to make us overachieve and overdeliver, in order to prove our worthiness through our productivity. We fear that ‘need’ is seen as ‘weakness’ and appearing weak can have negative consequences in society.
Fear of rejection
There is a sense of vulnerability that comes from asking for help. Rejection creates emotions of shame, guilt, and sadness which we are hardwired to avoid. If you have experienced rejection in the past when you asked for support and didn’t get it, it can feel that much more difficult to reach out again.
So what do you do?
We hear concerns like these from members in our SWELL by Rebelle groups on a regular basis. Ambitious women leaders are often holding on to old ways of getting things done when they are well beyond the place where support is lacking.
It can take practice to acknowledge why we aren’t asking for what we need (fears that hold us back from getting what we need and creating connection with others). And then more practice actually asking for it.
Our solution, a safe space to practice asking. We designed our peer mentor program with this in mind. Not every room is a place where women leaders can be vulnerable, to ask the questions we think we should already know the answers to. To practice how we want to ask for support from our teams, our families, and others.
If you could use this type of practice, support, and growth, check out SWELL by Rebelle.
